Millennial Marriage Our Love Story

It is the time of year to celebrate love. Valentine’s Day is a few days away and on February 16th my husband and I will celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. We’ve been friends for 16 years, that is over half of my life. Which seems insane to me. Our relationship has been a journey, and our marriage is a work in progress. But I couldn’t imagine my life without him. We are the true definition of opposites, but we work well together. We are #blacklove, hard workers and we have a heart for the people and the ministry that we serve. I hope that you enjoy the concise version of our love, marriage, and most of the things in between. 

Back In The Day

We met the summer before my senior year of high school. Two of my close friends were members of his father’s church. They always talked about the Pastor’s son who from their stories seemed to be able to do it all. He could play the organ, the drums, direct the choir, sing, write songs and plays, he was an overachiever academically and became a licensed minister at the age of 16.  One weekend my friend had a sleepover, we had to go to church that Sunday morning. I later found out that when he saw me, he told his friend that I was going to be his wife. But I wasn’t checking for him.

Now the dynamics of church dating or courting as the saints would say, can be tricky. We were not allowed to go on dates alone. We went out in groups or had chaperones. Dating the Pastor’s son puts a lot of eyes and attention on you. Especially because there are a number of girls who want to date him and a number of mothers who want their daughters to marry him. Honestly, at first, I wasn’t interested. He was a nice guy but I had some family issues going on and I’d just gotten out of a relationship.  Also, I had a lot of assumptions and preconceived notions about PK’s (Preacher’s Kid’s); and I didn’t want to just be another number to him. But he surprised me. 

Dating/Courting a PK

Growing up, we went to church off and on throughout my childhood and when I was about 15 my mom gave us to option to attend church. So I wasn’t aware of the hierarchy of church courtships. But his dad’s church had a strong youth ministry, and they kept us very active, which afforded us a number of opportunities to spend time together and get to know each other as friends. But one evening everyone in the youth ministry attended a mutual friend’s birthday party when he began flirting with me. Which I was oblivious to. After hours of flirting and me not catching on, he finally asked me. “Would you mind if I called you?” 

He officially asked me on an individual date that Sunday after church. To which I assumed was another youth ministry gathering. But my friend’s matter factly answered. “Keyona he asked you on a one on one date. Did you not notice him flirting with you yesterday?” Then it all clicked, he likes me. I am not just another friend in the group. All of these questions started to run through my mind. Do I want to date him? Do I want to have this target on my back? Will this last? 

Our Long Courtship

We began dating when I was 16 and he was 18 years old. Our first official date was a lunch date to Ponderosa on his 18th birthday. He asked me to be his girlfriend a week later. When we made it official we were inseparable. He treated me like a princess. He opened doors, he treated me on dates, he was the perfect gentlemen. Caring, charismatic, funny, sweet, affectionate, OMG! I was in a different universe of love. When you saw him, you saw me. When we weren’t together, we were on the phone. That summer was amazing, now comes the hard part. He had to go back to college out of state. 

Our courtship has always been a bit different, I didn’t have a church pedigree. My family belonged to a different denomination and a number of individuals felt that he shouldn’t have been dating me. I felt every stare and heard every comment. We broke up twice in four and half years. During those four years, we dealt with depression, family drama, finishing school, being pressured to get married when once I turned 18, and a plethora of other things. But we worked through them all. Throughout the years of our relationship, we talked about getting married but decided that we would wait until I graduated college. 

Graduation rolled around May 2011, the marriage talks had pretty much subsided at this point. But I was in no rush. I was 22 years old, moving into my first place on my own and it only took me 3 months to find a job after graduation. Things were going great in our relationship. When we weren’t working we were at church and would get a date night in when we could. But about a year later, I started to get that itch to be married. At this point, we’d been together for 7 years. Not only was I pushing him to make a decision, but so was his dad. People were starting to talk. Most individuals in the church don’t date as long as we did. Especially the Pastor’s child, it’s not a good look. But Ben is not one to fold under pressure. 

On Sunday, October 15th, 2012 during our church service he proposed. I had a feeling it was coming. I’d already put my girls on notice. The road to this point had not been easy, but we made up our minds that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. 

Making Plans for the Big Day

We’d picked a day, the wedding party had been notified, the Officiant selected (DAD aka my father-in-law) and the church had been booked. Things were moving along right on schedule until they weren’t. 

Ben had been involved in a car accident, he walked away with just a few bumps, and bruises but he was alive to tell his testimony.  About a month or so after that the airline he worked for was bought out by another company and he was laid off. A few months after that he was involved in another car accident. I saw the car before I saw him in the hospital. After seeing that car, I didn’t know what condition I would find him. He had the hand of God on him. He walked away from that accident with just a scratch. Let me tell you how good God is. It had been one thing after the other, at this point I wasn’t sure if we should postpone the wedding. 

We decided that nothing was going to stop us from getting married, so we pressed forward. Our date nights became wedding planning sessions. During one date night in February, he came over and said, “Let’s go get married.” I looked at him inquisitively and asked, “Did something change that I don’t know about?” He looked at me and laughed, “No, let’s go get married now. Why are we waiting until June?” It was 7 pm on a Tuesday, the courthouse was closed. But why not, we’d been together this long. We went down to the courthouse the next morning, put in an expedited request for a marriage license, and we would get married that week. 

The Secret Wedding 

We ordered the license, talked to his dad, and planned a wedding for Saturday at his parent’s house. We decided not to tell anyone with the exception of his parents and our five guests in attendance: our two witnesses, his grandmother, our church mother, my mom, and my baby brother gave me away. We were married on Saturday, February 16th in his parent’s living room. We were so excited to start our journey, but it was going to difficult to keep this secret for the next four months.  But we did it. June 8th, 2013 we had our big church wedding. It was an amazing day, we had a lovely wedding, a traditional reception, and a not so traditional second reception. That just included our wedding party and a few friends. It was one of the best nights of my life. 

Here & Now 

Let’s fast forward to 2021, we are coming up on 8 years of marriage. The first year of marriage was the toughest. We are not the same people we were when we got married. We’ve grown, we’ve had career changes, we were appointed to Pastor a ministry. So many things have happened in these last eight years. We are going to continue to go through things. People say it all the time, Marriage is work! That statement is true. We have to put in the time, have the hard conversations, make the tough decisions. 

We took vows and we work every day to keep them. We decided on Day 1 that divorce is not an option. We make sure that we tell each other and show each other that we love each other every day. We look out and take care of each other. Every day isn’t rainbows and roses. With God, love, and communication, we make it through the rough times. We enjoy each other’s company, we are goofy, we wipe each other’s tears, and we disagree. We put God first, put in the work, and love each other. Here is to eight years and a lifetime to go.